Release Me
by Justagirl28
Summary: Word vomit, lately I'd become famous for it and now it seemed I'd pissed off the vampires too. I seriously couldn't care less. I stormed out of their house and away from their stupidity. My first thought was to go home but to be honest there was just as much brainlessness there. My life had been ripped to shreds and I was surrounded by idiots.
1. The Thin Line

The Thin Line

Word vomit, lately I'd become famous for it and now it seemed I'd pissed off the vampires too. I seriously couldn't care less. I stormed out of their house and away from their stupidity. My first thought was to go home but to be honest there was just as much brainlessness there. My life had been ripped to shreds and I was surrounded by idiots. Jacob Black was an idiot he was determined to pick at the scab that was Bella Swan. I didn't understand why people placated Jacob so much; he was mourning a relationship that he'd never had. True the girl admitted to liking him but not enough to date him, that when you say let it go, and move on. The pack is so sympathetic to his faux break up but when it comes to be me it's like they think I deserved it.

"You did deserve it and far worse," he said and I kept my back to him as I sat on the cliff. I knew his sent and it made sense that he'd be mad. I had after all just called his precious Bella a bitch for what she'd done to Jacob.

"It's the mind rapist here to defend his woman. I wish you'd spare me there's nothing you can say to make me apologize. Point blank your wife is the most selfish woman I've ever met and she's a hurtful bitch that pretends to be so sweet and innocent. At least I'm true to who I am!" I got up and finally turned to him and looked in his eyes that were as black as the night sky. Maybe he'd come here to kill me. Stupid leech he should know that I'm not scared of death. I was dead inside now anyway.

"You know nothing about her! You can't judge someone you've barely talked to," Edward fumed and bared his teeth. "I don't ever want you near her again. Don't place one of your damned paws our property!" I merely arched my eyebrow at him and laughed.

"You seriously think I _want_ to be there?" I laughed at him outright. "Tell me. How can you even think that the way Bella does Jacob is fair to him? How is it fair to YOU? Plus, I'm sure that you didn't want her to go through with this pregnancy yet she's doing it … who is she doing it for? It's not you, so I'm guess she's doing it to make herself happy. By definition being selfish means lacking consideration for others and only being concerned with one's own personal pleasure, so you tell me, doesn't that describe the way your beloved Bella is acting? Isn't it Edward?" I yelled. He scoffed and went to walk away from me. "That's right leech leave and don't you say one damned word because you know I'm right!" As soon as I finished my sentence he was right in my face.

"The only reason I'm leaving is because no matter how vile your words are you are a female and I'm trying to respect you. You're pushing me though," he whispered and for some reason him being this close made my skin crawl but not in the way it should. For some reason him being this close made me really focus in on everything that was appealing about Edward Cullen. He snorted and gave me a vicious half smile.

"Don't do me any favors leech," I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. I tried to focus on my distain for everything he was. Not his alluring stare or his slender yet strong build. God, how long had it been since I'd gotten any? This was really the wrong time to be horny. Someone once said that there was a thin line between love and hate. Who said that anyway?

"It was started by a group in the seventies," he mumbled and I looked at him confused for a minute before remembering his abilities. "Bella wants to give the child a fighting chance that's not selfish," he defended his bride once more.

"What about the way she treats Jacob?" He said nothing and I knew that he agreed with me. I crossed my arms I wanted to hear him say it.

"He lets her treat him that way," Edward mumbled.

"Yeah and I think that Jacob's a dickless punk for it but that's not what I asked. Bella is treating Jacob like shit and you all act like that's okay … it's not okay!" Edward looked at me and it was like he was trying to extract something from my thoughts.

"Why do you care so much?" Edward finally asked as he sat where I was when he first got here. I followed suit and sat down beside him. Even though he was mad at me it was the first time someone was actually curious about my thoughts. Everyone else hated whenever I spoke or was in the same space as them really.

"Jake reminds me of myself a little bit. When all this stuff started happening and once Sam finally told me about the imprint he still wanted to be around me and he wanted Emily there too. I couldn't deal it ripped something out of me and made me feel." I stopped abruptly and shot and glare toward Edward who black eyes had begun to stare at me with pity. "I don't wanna talk about this shit."

"You probably should, it's probably a good release," Edward murmured and I smirked.

"You know what a good release is?" I said as I stood up and unbuttoned my shorts and dragged my shirt over my head. He pretended like he wasn't looking but I knew better I could see that out of the corner of his eyes he was curious. He should be my body was brilliant. That was the one good thing that had come out of this mess.

"What are you doing Leah?" He said as he finally completed the task of closing his eyes.

"Jumping and you're doing it too! I'm sure you have some pent up frustration you need to let go off!" I jumped around in my bra and panties I liked to get a running start and then phase in the air. "We could make it a race. We could start here and then jump into the water and whoever makes it back to this line first wins." I giggled. This was the most playful I felt in a long time and I wanted him to humor me. Besides, this had to be better than staying at home and watching his ill preggers wife.

"I should be with her," he drew himself to his feet and I thought he was going to leave. "But I do need a little release." Edward stood beside me and readied himself and I smirked a little. I was about to race a vampire and I was going to win! "Yeah right … call it Clearwater."

"On your mark, get set, GO!"

"It's a tie!" He muttered this and mirrored my discontentment. "I didn't think that your kind could move that fast."

"The men can't I'm lighter so I move faster," I panted I laid on the ground fully clothed and breathless. "That was great! We should do it again!" I turned to look at Edward and he looked perplexed by something. "What?"

"I came here to hurt you Leah. I came here to be cruel and vicious. You made me realize that even though I love Bella watching her perish right before my eyes I've never been so miserable." He turned his back to me. It was now night and there was a full moon. His skin seemed to glisten slightly he looked like an angel, a melancholy angel.

"I can understand it must be hard for you," mumbled. I didn't know what to say I didn't expect to feel bad for the guy but I had to admit it was good to forget about my own drama and focus on somebody else. "Who knows she may not _perish_? Keep your head up leech I tentatively went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at it and then me.

"Thank you," he whispered and then he did the weirdest thing. He reached out and wrapped his arms around me. It was a chilling and creepy feeling but I knew he meant well by it. "You aren't what people think you are Leah." He pulled away from me and strolled back toward his home. As he left me I felt empty, raw, and lost. It was a much worse feeling than I had came out here with.

* * *

A week had passed since Edward and I had talked. It was my night to patrol the area. I walked the house about ten times before I saw Edward coming toward me with a plate and a blanket. He walked with me to the back of the house and laid everything out. I guessed he wanted me to phase back into my human form. "Esme told me you wouldn't eat what she offered you. I thought I'd give it a try." I huffed and rolled my eyes. I didn't take handouts from leeches no matter if they were kind of … whatever Edward was.

"Plus, I need someone to talk to and I'd rather talk to you in your human form. So it's not really a handout it's more of a bribe." That seemed more reasonable. I was kind of hungry. I quickly changed and returned to him. He popped opened the cherry Pepsi and handed it to me.

"How'd you know I liked this?" I asked.

"Seth," he answered and it made sense. Seth had a little man crush on Edward and he was really talkative around him. "He also said that you'd been thinking about me a lot lately."

"Really," I said dryly. I didn't get the point of him sharing that information.

"Yeah, and I thought it was weird because my thoughts had drifted to you a time or two. That night was good for me Leah. You put a lot of things into perspective." As he talked I inched the sandwich over to my side of the blanket and began to eat. It was a turkey bacon club and it was delicious.

"I talked to Bella about Jacob." I stopped chewing I wasn't expecting him to say that. "She told me that she couldn't let him go. She said that she knows that she's horrible for feeling that she needs him but she does." I watched the hurt in Edward's eyes. I wanted to reach out to him. What man wants to hear his wife say she needs another man?

"I wish you would," he whispered.

"What?" I was confused.

"Reach out to me," Edward confessed and his lowered eyes lifted to look at me briefly. I gently covered his hand with mine.

"I told her I understood but I really don't," he forced out the words. "She spends most of her day conversing with him when he's not out protecting her. I want to tell her she can't have us both!" His frown grew.

"Then tell her," I stated firmly. "I don't think that request is unreasonable Edward, I think her expecting you to understand is a bat shit crazy!" Edward smirked at me and I chuckled. I removed my hand so I could finish my sandwich. Edward lay on his back and talked about the past and the stars. He needed to release and escape and apparently I gave him that. After a while he scooted toward me and placed his head in my lap and he closed his eyes. I'd never seen him with look so human and yet like a beautiful work of art. I wanted to take my fingers and explore the contours of his face but he wasn't mine and that wasn't proper.

"You can," he said softly.

"I shouldn't," I whispered.

"I know but I want you to anyway," he explained. I allowed my fingertips to caress him and comfort him. He skin was so cold and smooth. I noticed that my own heartbeat had accelerated, I was feeling several things and I realized that I hated what Bella was doing to him too. How could she have this amazing man that was here on this Earth only for her and still feel she needed more? Edward Cullen was more than enough. After a few minutes or hours of silence Edward sat back up. "Seth's coming. I should go thank you Leah for this." I nodded and put my head down. That loneliness and emptiness that I experienced before was returning. I didn't want him to go. I don't know why but I wished he would stay. I felt his cold lips place a small kiss on my cheek before disappearing into the house.

* * *

Renesmee was born and Bella was now a vampire. Jacob imprinted, the Volturi had been confronted and after all of that I was still alone, still waiting on the cliff trying to decide whether this was the right time to jump. The moon shimmered over the waters and everything looked so beautiful and the earth was so peaceful. I tried to be content with my life but anyone who said that were happy alone was a liar. I wanted more than what I was given. Whenever I thought this way in my wolf form I'm told by a million voices that I'm selfish and greedy. Who am I to question fate's plan for me? I sighed and looked at the moon and allowed the wind to blow my hair away from my face. Then his I felt him, he was in my space, his aroma was surrounding me.

"The mind rapist," I said playfully and I turned to him and his beautiful face looked miserable. How could someone who had everything he wanted look so miserable? "You okay?" He shook his head and came to sit down beside me.

"Vampires are monsters Leah," he stated after sitting quietly for a while. He stated something that I already knew. I knew he was speaking of himself and no one should have such a negative self view.

"I can't disagree with you there," I chuckled and rubbed my hands over my jeans and I waited for him to get his thoughts together.

"I should be happy," he whispered. "Why aren't I happy?" He looked at me with golden hazel eyes that expected answers.

"I don't know buddy," I said as I rubbed his back and tried to offer him comfort.

"We aren't buddies Leah. Ever since the first night we talked you were attracted to me your concern for me only grew out of your attraction to me," he spewed viciously.

"If you feel that way then why are you here?" I knew he was really hurting Edward but wasn't normally the kind to lash out at someone else. Maybe that's why he came here because he wanted to yell at someone that really didn't matter to him.

"I wish … I wish you didn't matter to me, but Leah I think about you every day. I don't know how one night with you changed my heart but it did. I can't get you out of my head. I imagine your touch and." He stopped and he covered his hands with his face. "I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm here." I moved his hands and I approached him.

"You're here for this Edward." We kissed and the whole time he said it was wrong but he kissed me harder. He gripped my waist roughly and maneuvered me beneath him. I never knew the touch of a vampire could get me so hot and wanton. My thought was that this one time would cure both our curiosities and we could part ways. Edward went to unbutton my pants and then stopped. "It's okay," I whispered.

"No it's not, but we're going to do it anyway," he said before kissing me again. I'd never had a lover that was so gentle with me. He caressed me and worshiped my body as he kissed every inch of me multiple times. It felt like my soul was connected with his as we moved and moaned. This was a release of so many frustrations and emotions. I felt as the tears swelled in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks and I came. No one had ever made love to me, Sam had fucked me but this was so, so different. I stared into gold hazel eyes as I tried to regulate my breathing. He placed a kiss on my nose and slowly removed himself from me. There no words shared between us. We just lay together looking at the stars. More tears welled up inside me as I relived what I just experienced. I hopped up and began to dress. I realized something that I didn't want to process here beside him.

"Leah?" He asked for what I couldn't give him. I wasn't okay, I'd lied to myself and told myself it would be but this … it was wrong.

"Bye Edward," I muttered as I ran home. I knew that he could catch me if he wanted to, but I knew he had so much drama that he wouldn't. The truth was I wasn't worth chasing. I was his little release at midnight and that's the only thing I was good at.


	2. My Curse, My Blessing

My Curse, My Blessing

I'd lain down with a leech. I committed a sin that would've been considered unforgiveable by my tribe. I was all set to hide it from them to pretend that everything that happened between Edward and me was a bad dream. However something crazy and unthinkable happened. Something that brought Emily and I close together again because I wasn't going to be able to escape without some assistance. In the back of my mind I knew she'd be happy I was leaving. I wasn't going far but I needed distance. I needed to get away from the supernatural and right now I was too deep in it. I wanted to suffer my sentence alone. I was hoping on the late Bus and when my mom and Seth woke up the next morning they would only be left with the letters I'd left them. I'd left my cell phone I didn't want anyone from my past life to try and contact me. They would shun me if they did. I rather leave them before they left me.

"Leah, you're not even going to tell me why you're leaving?" She asked and had the nerve to pretend like she was going to cry. I shook my head.

"It's not important just know that I've got a plan Em. Take care of everyone for me." I hugged her and hopped on the bus. I took solace in the fact that I was alone right now but I wouldn't be alone for long. I placed my hand on my stomach and marveled at how it felt like a block of ice. The chill of it caused the rest of my body to feel at ill ease. I didn't know how long this pregnancy was going to last or if I would be able to carry it to term. I just knew it was against my beliefs to destroy a life. I scoffed at my thoughts I was sounding more and more like Bella. At least I wasn't forcing my friends and family to watch me as I possibly died. I planned to do this on my own and let the chips fall where they may. I also, didn't want to ruin the father's life. I refused to think his name. He would only be known as the father. The father was a good guy, scratch that he was an amazing guy, and I didn't want to cause in strife in his life. I wished I could regret our one night but every time I thought of our union I only felt heartbroken. I had seen the ways they they'd taken care of Ness and she'd grown into a cute enough little thing. I was sure that I could duplicate the result that was if the birth itself didn't kill me.

"You're going to be a mother?" The older woman across from me asked and I simply nodded. The woman looked odd she reminded me of the creepy old witch in that Disney movie that offered Snow white the apple.

"Are you on your way to meet your sweetheart?" She asked and I shook my head. I didn't want to think about the father right now. I had to focus on getting my baby and me to a safer place.

"You're running away from him then. That's a bad idea child running away from the situation. It causes you to lose control of the situation." The old woman brattled and I ignored her and started to stare out the window. "LISTEN child! Your secret will come out and you won't have any choice in the matter. He will have to choose and so will you. Your child will be a savior to your kind or the destroyer of them all." The woman's eyes they'd changed color and it freaked me out. Omens are real and I was scared that the woman's were a premonition of some kind. I decided that once I was settled I would reach out to someone from my past. That way I could stay connected to the tribe and know if there's any trouble on the horizon.

* * *

Six Weeks Later …

I'd done alright for myself. I was struggling but not nearly as much as I thought I'd be. I'd been able to pick up two jobs and rent a one bedroom apartment which was all I needed right now. Even though things were going well things were getting a little complicated and hard to explain at work. I figured it was time to pick the one person I was willing to share my secret with. I had taken the night off so that she could meet me at my apartment. I figured that Emily would be the safest bet because at the heart of things I knew she rather I stay away no matter what information she found out. She knocked on the door and I quickly answered it.

"Welcome to my new spot!" I ushered her in and she looked around the place.

"It's very cute Leah. I was glad you hadn't traveled too far away," Emily said as she sat on my couch. It was good having someone in my space. I hadn't been able to play hostess to anybody. I smoothed my hands on my jeans as I prepared myself for this conversation.

"Did you want anything to drink or eat? I know it's kind of a long ride," I asked and Emily shook her head.

"Maybe later I do plan to stay the night because the buses don't run again until the morning. Sam was a little unnerved when I told him I was staying away and I really didn't tell him where but he'll be alright," she rambled on about her and Sam and for a change I welcomed it until she heard something in the other room.

"Leah, what was that?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." I went into the back and came out with the new man in my life. "Em, I want you to meet Little H." I held my little guy as his big brown eyes studied Emily. He cooed his hello. Emily was in shock and rightfully so. "So I'm sure you have questions," I muttered as I fussed with Holden's navy blue jumper.

"I have tons!" She said in a high pitched tone. "So … you adopted." She asked but we both knew the answer to that one.

"No, he's mine." She nodded.

"And he's how old?"

"He was born last Tuesday Em," I said dryly. Holden looked to be about three months old and he was very intelligent for his age. I expected this from him. He was gurgling and began grabbing at his throat.

"I know what you need," I said playfully to my little man. We walked into the kitchen and mixed water, cow blood I'd gotten from the butcher, and formula. I heated it and placed it in a bottle. I felt Emily's eyes on me and I got his bottle separated.

"So he's like Nessie?"

"Yes," I answered.

"You … with a vampire? Who?"

"Now those are good questions but I can't answer them. Not because I don't trust you but because I don't want anyone to know. I can tell you that this little guy's name is Holden Levi Clearwater and he's the most perfect baby in the world. I wanted to let someone from the tribe know so in case someone was to ever come looking for me they could dissuade them. I know my behavior is frowned upon and my child will not be accepted like Ness. The only reason Ness was accepted so will is because Jacob imprinted. If they found out about Lil H, I don't know … I don't want to know what they'd do." We went back in the living room and I fed him while Emily watched.

"So there's another problem that I've been facing and I was wondering if you wanted to help or had any suggestions. I work two jobs but now that I have this little guy I can't carry him around with me. He grows too fast and people notice. I need someone to stay with him during the day. I'll pay you the about same that you're making now or more because I know you'll have to travel. I just need someone who understands our situation at least until he hits the same plateau that Ness did, then I can hire a normal babysitter. So what do you say Emily?" I sat the bottle down and wiped his face with my towel.

"I don't know Leah he drinks blood and I'm full of it." Emily looked at him as if she were scared.

"Holden, Emily is your cousin no bite, bite okay?" I said as I scooted over to Emily and offered her the chance to hold him. She gathered him in her arms and she melted just like I knew she would. No one could refuse his big brown eyes and his cute little button nose.

"Leah, he's so beautiful," Emily whispered and Holden gave her a little smile. I was aware that he'd already started to understand words and I was pretty sure he understood much of what was going on around him.

"He seems to like you." I looked at my cousin with pleading in my eyes. If she didn't help I was going to have to try and work from home and that was hard because most of those jobs were scams.

"Okay, I'll help," she said as she rocked my little one. I knew that bringing him out would be my lucky charm no one could resist my little guy.


	3. Mother Knows Best

Mother Knows Best

So far everything was going as planned. Emily fit well into the role of babysitter and I received a nice sized raise on one of my jobs so I was able to pay her and only work my other job on the weekends. We'd been getting along so well for the past two months, but all of that seemed to changed based on the expression Emily was wearing. I came into the house and my son who looked to be about a year or two years old raised his arms for me to pick him up.

"Hey Mr. Man!" I showered him with kisses all over his face and he giggled like I knew he would. I noticed that Emily face was had become even more somber. She was holding Holden's bowl.

"I was about to feed him but Leah, can we talk first?" I looked from Holden to my cousin. I was worried that something had happened and she wasn't going to be able to babysit anymore. I placed Little H in his play pin that I knew good and well he could out of but since he was a good baby he wouldn't.

"Sure Emily, what's up?" We sat down on the couch and she fiddled with her hair for a minute.

"I know who Holden's father is," she blurted out. I looked at him and he was playing with his little baby tablet and a little song was singing. I was trying to figure out how she possibly figured anything out. Holden looked like me for the most part. His eyes were shaped more like his father's and he had bushy little eyebrows like him, but that was it.

"Holden doesn't have a father … so whatever you may be thinking you should forget about it." I got up and took my apron off. I placed my tips on the jar on the cabinet.

"He reads minds Leah. Holden can read minds," Emily gave me a look of disappointment and I rolled my eyes at her. I had a feeling he did sometimes he'd answer me before I'd ask him question. It was probably part of the reason he was such a good baby. I didn't know what to say.

"How could you sleep with a married man?" I scoffed and shot her a look. She'd slept with Sam when he was engaged to me and we were as good as married.

"It wasn't intentional Emily. I didn't mean to have feelings for him, and I for da –darn sure didn't plan on have a b-a-b-y. That's why I moved away I didn't want to ruin the father's life. He had everything he needed and wanted and I didn't want him to suffer." I tried to be a little cryptic I didn't want Lil H to think I didn't want him. He didn't seem to mind after a few seconds he switched the song and called out to shaking his little toy.

"I just don't think its right, you not telling him at the very least that the baby exists." I glared at Emily. If I'd wanted advice on what to do I would've asked for it. Holden and I were doing alright on our own. I just didn't want my child to grow up with all that drama surrounding him. I didn't want him to be the son of a mistress. I wanted him to be proud of me.

"No, that's not going to happen Em. At least not right now maybe once Holden is old enough to realize that and desire a father figure then maybe I will rethink things but right now everything's perfect."

"Up mommy!" My son stood holding his play pin. He was reaching for me went over and lifted him and his little hand went to his throat. Emily saw it and went in the kitchen and got his bowl. I held him while she fed him. I kissed the top of his head and he chuckled about something going in his little head.

"I just knew if I didn't say something that I'd feel guilty," Emily mumbled. "But it's your decision. I've gotta run so I can catch the bus." She grabbed her purse and gave Holden a little kiss.

"Bye Emmy," he said and she stopped dead in her tracks. It was the first time he'd even tried to say her name. She picked him up and held him close with tears in her eyes. She spun around with Lil H and he looked at me and reached for me with wide eyes. He was still hungry.

"Emily, let the boy finish his dinner," I said as I reached for my son and she passed him back to me.

"Right, I'll see you tomorrow little man." She headed out the door. Holden had made her day.

* * *

I loved working at the library on the weekends. They had a little nursery that I would take Holden to while I worked. The library was more like a museum and I was one to the three clerks that helped them in the children's area. It was fun watching the author's come and read to the kids. I loved to watch the kids run around and enjoy themselves. It was also great because if there was a reading from one of Holden's favorite books I could go in a grab him and let him listen. It took me a little thought to come up with an excuse that worked to bring an ever changing baby to work every weekend. I said that he had a whole bunch of brothers and alternated between calling him Holden and Levi. It seemed to work nobody really asked any questions. Both Holden and I were really excited today because they were reading one of his very favorite book, The Young Wizard and his Teddy Bear. I'd just picked him up from the nursery and he was busy repeating the word wizard, or at least trying to say it. It was then I smelled something, it was faint but a familiar smell that took me back to a time that changed my life forever. I froze and anxiously looked around.

"Momma wizzy, wizard!" Holden fussed. I shook off my paranoia and entered the children's section once more. The author was just sitting down and Holden laid his head on my shoulder and put his thumb in his mouth, which is something he only did during story time. I rubbed his back and rocked him while the woman spoke. It was then that I noticed them they were across the way. What the hell were they doing in Shelton? Holden gasped in looked at me and covered his mouth. It was sad that I had to filter my thoughts so that he couldn't hear curse words.

"Sorry little man," I kissed his cheek. Edward and Renesmee were all the way on the other side of the room. His daughter was looking at the books and Edward, he'd spotted me and the look on his face was far from happy. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wanted to leave but if I did Holden would have a fit. Holden burst into giggles at the voice the storyteller was making. I smiled at my son, he was so darn cute.

"Momma, boom!" He said as he imitated the woman and then stuck his thumb back in his mouth.

"I heard!" I cooed. As soon as the story was over I hauled ass to get back to the nursery before Edward said something to me. I knew under any normal circumstance he should've been able to reach me quite easily however he was surrounded by a room full of humans. He did unfortunately get past them just as I reached the door to the nursery.

"Leah!" He said quietly with yet a forceful manner. He was holding his daughter's hand as he approached Holden and me.

"Oh Edward hey," I pretended as though I hadn't seen him. Holden gasps as he took in my thoughts and then looked at Edward with wide observant eyes. Edward studied _my_ son with a look I couldn't put into words. "So how have you been? Renesmee you've grown another foot I see!" I ruffled the girl's hair with my free hand.

"Who's this Leah?" He said it sounded as if he had something caught in his throat. I gave him the answer I'd given everyone else here. I wasn't going to be truthful in front of his little girl.

"I'm babysitting," I answered. For the rest of my life I'd be babysitting or at least until Lil H looked like an adult.

"Aww, he's a cute baby!" Ness said as she played with his foot. "What's his name?"

"Thank you. I Holden," he said way too clearly to be his age. I sent a thought his way and he groaned and fussed a little.

"May I hold him?" Edward reached his hands out and Holden betrayed me by going to him. They looked in each other's eyes and I felt like they were having a conversation or something. Edward kissed the baby on his cheek and Holden rested his head on his shoulder. I melted for a moment and then panic hit me. What if my baby ended up wanting to be with his daddy instead of me? I mean logically it would be a better fit he'd have the full family experience. I couldn't have that. He was the one thing that I'd done right. He was perfect and I'd created him.

"Holden, come back to Mo- … Holden let me hold you!" Holden looked at me with watery eyes but reached for me regardless.

"I have to take him back inside and get back to work," I explained as I opened the door.

"Love you," Holden said and I knew he wasn't talking to me. Something died inside of me, this was the first time that I truly felt I'd done wrong by my son. I felt like I'd ripped him away from his father for my own selfish needs.


	4. Guilt, Bonds, and Bloodlines

Guilt, Bonds, and Bloodlines

My little man was pooped after his day at the library. He was sleep when I picked him up from the nursery and he slept the whole way home. I started take Holden out of his car seat and again I inhaled that sweet smelling aroma and it was approaching me quickly. I knew that this was it. This was the conversation that I'd never have to have. With shaky hands I unfastened and lifted my son from his seat and turned to face my ex lover. "Hey," I said quickly as I moved toward my apartment door. I didn't want an argument. I made it up in mind that if Edward were to ever come to me with questions I would answer them honestly. I would not deny him his son if he wanted access to him. I just thought it was better for him to not know about his existence whatsoever. My quickness was because I wasn't sure of his temperament. I took in the fact that he didn't have his daughter with him and his eyes had that dark look in them like when we met that first time in the woods. He was angry.

Holden was placed in his crib in my room and sleeping peacefully. I took the walk of shame back into my living room to Edward. He was sitting there with his elbows on his knees and distraught look on his face. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. I stood paralyzed by the emotion on his face.

"I didn't want to ruin your life Edward," I answered. I knew he could've pulled the information from my mind but he deserved the verbal answer. He turned and looked at me.

"How … it wasn't your place to make that decision you know that don't you?" He murmured quietly. I sat down on the far end of the couch. At least that way I didn't have to look at the hurt in his eyes. I didn't expect him to feel this way. I always thought if we had this conversation I'd be on the defensive but I never expected to feel guilty.

"I know you feel like I deprived you of pieces of his childhood, but Edward I want you to really give this some thought. Do you realize the hell you're asking for by claiming Holden?"

"I don't care Leah he's my son. I'm not going to deny him." I couldn't deny hearing him say those thing most definitely warmed my heart. I was glad that Holden's father wasn't a deadbeat, but that didn't change any of the realities of our situation. I could only imagine the drama I'd cause I'd cause if I took Holden to Forks. He'd be shunned by my family and he'd have to wear the scars of my sins. I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair.

"He'll wear my sins too. I was unfaithful to my wife. Telling Bella may be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do. I want to be truthful for my son. I want him to know he was worth it to me." Again Edward said all the right things but there was still the matter of one other child.

"Renesmee deserves you to be in her life too. Your attempts to gain a relationship with Lil H may end up ruining your relationship with your daughter. I don't want to be responsible for that. I thought about all of this after I peed on that damn stick it took me a week to finally make the decision to leave without telling you. I thought I'd weighed everything out I just thought you wouldn't miss what you never knew existed." I rambled and he focused in on me staring and intently listening. "It was the hardest decision I've had to make in my entire life."

"I know you meant well," Edward was so calm. I wasn't used to having this kind of conversation in such hushed tones. I couldn't tell if he was even really upset.

"I am, believe me I'm livid, but I'm not upset with you. I think that if I was in your situation I would've run too. You don't know how … I blamed myself for your departure. I have been beside myself with guilt since you left." He looked at me and his stare made me at ill ease.

"You're hair is longer than I remember." He statement was completely off topic so much so I snapped to look in his direction.

"I haven't cut it," I responded for lack of anything better to say. This was a weird turn for our conversation to take. Then there was silence it was a sign that our conversation was coming to an end.

"We still have to come up with some sort of arrangement Leah. I want time with my son," Edward was quick to inform me.

"Okay what do you purpose?"

"Maybe I can come over a few nights to start. I do agree with you I don't want him to have to grow up with so much negativity around him. He seems happy here I wouldn't uproot him for my selfish benefit. However, I will be telling my wife very soon about our involvement." I tensed at his mention of this. What would stop Bella from coming to us and making her presence known?

"I wish you wouldn't," I groaned.

"I owe my wife honesty," he stated bluntly as he rubbed his hands against the legs of his jeans.

"If you tell her I might as well go back home Edward! It wouldn't matter where I was because everyone would find out about him. How about we wait until he's a bit older? Then we can explain things to Holden before you confess. That way you will have some time to get to know your son in peace." I was laying it on think and I really hoped he was buying it. Edward gave a little smirk and looked at me out of the corner of his eye. He twisted toward me; we were now eye to eye.

"I'll wait a month. Then I know that Holden will be able to understand what's going on around him and I will come over at least twice a week to spend time with my son."

"Okay," I whispered I had no reason to deny Edward and in all honesty I'm glad that he wanted to be involved. If it had be anyone else they would've said that I didn't move far enough way.

"Of course I want to be Holden's life, he's my blood … well sort of," he chuckled and I fought against a grin.

"You know before I saw you today I had just thought that he looks more and more like you each day," I mused. He's facial structure was changing and there little things about his mannerisms that reminded me of Edward.

"Really? I can't wait to see those things." As if on cue little whimpers came from my room and I went to get up and Edward placed his arm out to stop me.

"May I?" I nodded and he went to the back to grab our son. I watched as he walked back to me with a groggy Lil H in his arms. Something about the sight of them together affected me and made me worried that nothing but trouble could come of this.


	5. The Restart Button

The Restart Button

Two Weeks Later …

I was running late for work. Lately it seemed like I was forever struggling to get to work on time. It wasn't because of Holden, but it was sort of because of his father. Edward didn't know how to leave at a decent hour and he came over almost every night and he'd stay after Holden fell asleep. I enjoyed our conversations but that made me at ill ease. The reason we had Holden was because we "talked" one time too many.

"Okay Scooter mommy's going to work! Seeya tonight!" I kissed my son on the head. He was in love with the new app on his tablet but he did look up for a minute and give me a little smile. Emily was sitting beside him with her arms crossed. I knew there was something on her mind but I didn't have time to pry it out of her right now. "Okay, I'm headed out Em, Edward said he'll probably come over later."

"Yeah shocker there! Leah he's been over almost every day you said that he was only coming a couple times a week! There's really no point in me babysitting anymore because he's always here!" I groaned she would wait until I'm heading out of the door to start complaining.

"Look, you're right he's here a lot but can we talk about this later? I've gotta go now!" I looked at my watch. I knew there was no way I would be able to drive and make it on time. I was going to have to phase which was something I hated to do before work. It was just a little physically exhausting.

"And why doesn't he leave when you get home like I do?" She narrowed her eyes at me and I scoffed.

"I know what you're asking. Watch it Emily!" I warned. I pulled out my phone to text my boss and let her know I was going to be late when I heard a knock on the door. Edward was way early and wearing dark sunglasses. Why would a vampire why sunglasses?

"We need to talk." Edward let himself in and I groaned.

"I can't I have to go to work. Can't we talk when I get home?" I headed to the door and I heard little man gasp. I turned to look at him and he'd dropped his tablet on the floor and the screen shattered. He and his father were doing that thing that weirded me out again.

"We need to talk now." He took my hand and led me back to the couch. Holden sat in my lap and cuddled against me. I knew he already knew what Edward was about to say and he felt the need to comfort me. "You may want to call out from work tonight Leah. I think … I think you may have to move." I glanced at my son and then Emily. At least Emily shared my confused state. Edward took off his glasses and there were cracks in his flawless skin and half of his eye lid was gone.

"I told Bella," he stated bluntly. "There's a lot you don't know Leah and I didn't want to worry you with it. Not until I made some decisions, but I blurted it out because I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of living a lie. I always thought that after Renesmee was born things would go back to normal. I thought that our love would be stronger and I would be happy because she was safe. I love my daughter and I love my wife, but I'm not happy. I haven't _been_ her husband since before Ness was born."

"Okay, umm I feel like I should go," Emily said as she pulled herself from the couch. "There truly is a such thing as too much information. Call me Leah and let me know if you need me tomorrow." Emily grabbed her coat and excused herself. I squirmed a little as Edward sat down beside me. I watched as his wound slowly healed itself. He offered a little smile and went to put his sunglasses back on.

"Don't," I mumbled and I inadvertently touched his hand. I scooted away from him and secured my arms around my son.

"So I may need to move?" I refocused our conversation and he nodded.

"Yes. Bella isn't your biggest fan right now. I didn't know that my wife knew so many ways to use profanity. I just … I don't get how she thought our relationship was working. We hardly even talk unless it's about our daughter. She's either with Jacob, Nahuel, or Alice; we are living in two separate worlds. It wasn't until recently and this was before I even knew Holden existed, that I realized that I didn't care that we weren't spending time together. I didn't miss her. I didn't care that my wife didn't have time for me. All that mattered to me was that Renesmee was safe and happy, but now I have another reason for existing and he's right there in your arms. I can't deny him just like I can't deny my daughter." I nodded as I listened to this man pour his heart out and yet again I felt for him and wanted to reach out to him. I … I shed tears for him.

"So, what now?" I cleared my throat.

"I'm not sure. I know that I'd rather stay with you to make sure that you and Holden are safe tonight. I've asked my family to keep an eye on Bella for tonight. I know that some of them want to meet Holden and talk to you. Most of them are not happy about this situation." I forced out a chuckle.

"I can imagine."

"I – I want Renesmee to get to know her brother." He looked at me. "I want to start over Leah."

"Well, I don't see how that's possible Edward. Everything is set in stone you can't go back and undo what's done. I love my son and I don't regret what happened between us." I offered our son to him because I knew that holding Holden generally made me feel better maybe it would have the same effect for him.

"It does thank you." Edward kissed our son on the forehead. I hope up and went to the back and grabbed my laptop. I couldn't stay in shock mode we had to move fast. I knew that it was only a matter of time before Bella sought us out. I sat my laptop on the coffee table and while it loaded I checked grabbed all of my monies from my rainy day stashes and started counting. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and went to work. I started searching for a new place to live, another place to hide. After looking at a few places it dawned on me that I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to hide. I knew what I did was wrong but I didn't want to uproot my son and I couldn't do that to him. I needed more time to think. Instead of a new permanent place maybe someplace temporary. I decided to look at hotels. We could stay at a hotel for a week or two while I mustered up the nerve to do what I had to do.

"I need to talk to Bella," I whispered as I mind allowed me to realize the irony of this situation. It was a conversation with Bella that led me into this mess. I needed to woman up, admit to what I'd done apologize to her, and to tell her that I wasn't trying steal what's hers. I toyed with my ponytail as I set up the reservation at one of the better hotels in the area.

"I'm coming with you," Edward stated and I shook my head.

"That's not a good idea," I retorted.

"Yes it is," Holden spoke as he looked up at his dad. "Mommy Miss Bella wants to hurt you. Daddy will protect you because I can't yet." I looked back at my son with tears in my eyes I never wanted him to feel that he had to protect me. It was supposed to be my job to keep him safe.

"You do mommy. Let Daddy keep you safe for me." My son shrugged off his father's lap and wrapped his arms around shoulders. I guess my decision was made. Edward was staying with us until I figured out my next move my fear was that it would send the wrong impression.

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Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Which story should I update next?


	6. The Difference Between Right and Wrong

The Difference between Right and Wrong

Edward sprung for the nicest hotel in town. He got a one bedroom suite and reserved it for a week. I didn't want to be there that long. I sat on the couch with a sleeping Holden on my chest I rubbed his back as I watched Edward spark flames in the fireplace. After he was sure the flames wouldn't dwindle he sat beside me. He'd taken his glasses off and his eye looked almost good as knew. For the life of me I could think of anything to really say to say to him.

"I want to talk to your family tomorrow," I whispered. "I know it's going to be hard but I just want to get it over with like ripping off a band aid." Edward chuckled and then looked at Holden and me out of the corner of his eye.

"I haven't been with my wife since I slept with you," he confessed in hushed tones and he seemed ashamed of it. "I just felt so damned guilty." I nodded I could understand that.

"I felt guilty too Edward. I never meant to come between you and your wife. I just wanted … at first I wanted Bella to realize how stupid she was being as far as Jacob was concerned, and then I saw how badly you were hurting. I didn't understand how she could hurt to decent men, but I never meant to kiss you … and other things." Edward sighed and reached for our son. I thought he just wanted to hold him too, but he instead took him back to the bedroom. I wish he hadn't I felt naked and exposed talking to Edward without Holden present. He sat back down and stared at me. He was closer now and he was turned so I could see more of him. He was reading me and I knew he was I just wasn't sure what he was looking for.

"What made you do it Leah?" He asked outright I guess he couldn't find what his was looking for. "What made you make love to me that night?" I opened my mouth to speak a couple time and then cleared my throat. "I'm sorry I know it's a blunt question. I just think about that night a lot and I just thought that you kissed me out of pity but you didn't have to. Why did you?" I just shrugged my shoulders I didn't want to talk about this. It really wasn't a smart conversation to have.

"The rhyme and reason isn't important the only thing that matter in regards to that night is sleeping peacefully in that bedroom." I got up and moved closer to the fire, not because I was cold I just didn't want Edward to stare at me anymore.

"I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable Leah. I will let this go for now, but just know that my family is going to ask the same questions." I turned and looked back at him. "They just won't ask them as nicely."

"They think I'm a home wrecker. I am a home wrecker," I groaned and Edward instantly was in front of me.

"No you're not. The home was on shaking ground in the first place." He hesitantly reached out and rubbed my forearms and I moved away from his touch. I shook my head.

"It wasn't that bad I'm sure. You did come out into the forest to rip my head off remember," I said with a snicker.

"Even though I defended my wife it didn't mean I was happy with all of her decisions," he mused. "I had fun with you that day."

"Likewise Mr. Cullen," I offered a small glance in his direction. Edward inched closer to me and the energy in the room shifted to something that I couldn't deal with right now. "Don't," I blurted and as if on cue my little man called out for me. Thank God for Holden, I jogged to the bedroom and found him sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Mommy, you're safe," he murmured sleepily and he seemed relieved. I crawled into bed beside him and smoothed my fingers through his hair.

"Of course I am Scooter! I'm safe here with you and I plan to be for a very long time." I kissed his forehead and he rested his head on my chest. I began to hum which was something I rarely did. I think I was trying to calm my nerves too. Change was in the air, I didn't know if it was good or bad, but I did remember that old lady on the bus, and the crazy as hell omen she'd given me. I needed to be open confront my misdeeds. I needed to show my son the difference between right and wrong. The feeling that I felt in the living room area was wrong, but being here with him was 100 percent right. After a few minutes I heard him snoring lightly against me. I tried to relax and get some rest too but I knew it was going to be difficult with all the thought of tomorrow running through my head.

* * *

I awakened to a bed that was sans one Holden Clearwater. I instantly panicked but the calmed myself a little knowing that if he'd woken up before me, Edward was probably tending to him. I strolled into the living room and froze. The whole Cullen family was there, Bella included. I thought I'd have time to at least have some breakfast or something before being thrown into this situation. The all looked back at me some with kinder faces than other. Esme was holding my son and she seemed to be entranced by him and he placed with her necklace peacefully.

"Good morning Leah," she offered and Holden immediately reached for me.

"Morning," I said cautiously.

"It's okay mommy," my son whispered and put his head on my shoulder. I looked at Bella who glared at me and rightfully so.

"I'm sorry," I said clearly. "I never meant for any of this to happen and when it did I didn't mean for Edward to find out. I wanted to deal with everything myself I didn't mean to disrupt your life."

"You dishonored our vows! You came at me about myself and how I treated everyone unfairly, but look at how you've treated me," Bella spoke in a low menacing and angry voice and Holden whined in my arms. It was then that I noticed Renesmee beside her mother and I felt even worse. She came up to me and I thought she was going to let me have it, it was would have stung worse coming from her.

"Let me take him," the girl offered. "He shouldn't have to be a part of this and neither should I. I don't think there's much to talk about though, my dad clearly isn't happy at home. So my parents are getting divorced. Leah what you did was wrong, but you didn't try to break my family up you went away. Mom you can't think she was out to get you because if she was she would've stayed and rubbed it in your face. I swear if this is what it's like to be an adult I never want to grow up." Renesmee took her brother to the back after putting us all to shame.

"She right you know. We need to go ahead and make things official, Edward, do you want a divorce?" Bella barely croaked out and the rest of the observers looked just as uncomfortable as I felt.

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_Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. We will pick up right where I left off next weekend probably. What do you think will happen next? Which story would you like me to work on next? _


	7. About Us

About Us

"Is that what you want?" Edward asked. He was sitting in the single chair by off to the side. I personally felt this was a conversation they should be having alone, but I was more than curious about the end result. Bella took a deep breath and then looked her husband square in the eyes.

"Yes and no. No, because despite how much you've hurt me I still love you, and yes because I don't think that you love me anymore." Bella covered her face with her hands and everyone seemed to share the same discomfort that I was feeling.

"I love you Bella." Edward looked at his wife with loving concern in his eyes and something felt vile in the pit of my stomach. I knew I had no right to feel that way. I looked down to shield myself from the emotion. "I do however; feel that our love is more platonic than it romantic now. It's not to say that we can't work on it … if you wish." Bella peaked at him through her hands. If she thought anything like me, then she was noticing that he wasn't saying that he wanted to work it out.

"Do you want to fix what's broken?" She asked and I nodded my head. I was shocked that I was on Bella's side, for the first time since I'd know her she was blunt and direct.

"I want to honor you," Edward replied. "I want to give you what you want, whatever you want I will do Bella. I owe you that." Bella dropped her hands and looked at her husband. I couldn't really describe the look in her eyes.

"I want you to tell me you're still in love with me Edward and mean it. Can you honestly look me in the eyes and say that? " She questioned with daring eyes. Edward eyes glanced very briefly and then he looked back to Bella he opened his mouth twice to respond.

"I love you Bella," he stated and I knew he was being honest. He was still in love with her and hearing it hurt. It stung and burned. I don't know why I felt this way. I wasn't in love with Edward. I liked him and found him attractive, but I was most definitely not in love with him.

"I removed myself from the conversation and went to the restroom." I sat on the toilet and listened to the rest of the conversation from what I deemed a safe place.

"You didn't answer my question Edward. We used to talk about the difference between being in love, and just loving someone all of the time. I know you love me and you wouldn't want to see any harm come my way. However, that doesn't mean that you want to be married anymore. Do you still want to give me forever?" I waited for his reply, but I never heard anything. I felt like I'd sat in the bathroom for hours and no other words were said. After a while I heard a knock on the door.

"You can come out now. They're gone," Edward murmured opened the door and looked at him. Now I was the one trying to read him. What the hell had happened? "If you wanted answers Miss Clearwater you should've stayed in the living room instead of hiding in the bathroom." He snorted dryly. I rolled my eyes at him as I stormed into the kitchen area.

"I wasn't expecting all of that first thing in the damn morning so you'll excuse my disposition. Besides, I just thought that you and Bella would've wanted to have the conversation in private."

"Honestly me too, but she was the one answering the questions. In a way I'm kind of glad that it played out the way it did this way we would be tip toeing around what needs to be done." He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Your reaction shocked me though." I watched as Edward went to make me cup of coffee. The only time he did this was when he wanted to ensure that I'd be awake long enough for us to have a conversation. I'd just woken up, so the coffee wasn't really necessary. "Why did the conversation unnerve you Leah? You knew that I loved my wife. Why did you run and hide?" He asked as he peaked at me curiously.

"Why do you keep asking me strange questions? Where's Holden?" I realized that I hadn't seen him.

"Esme and Carlisle took him out for a bit because I wanted to talk to you. Some of my family is coming back a little later the whole point of them coming is so that they could talk to you and meet Holden. The conversation became about something completely different." I nodded he was right about that. I was expecting to have to apologize a lot, but the conversation turned, and everyone forgot I was there.

"So what was the outcome of that conversation anyway?" I asked bluntly before I lost the nerve.

"Bella and I are getting separated … and probably divorced. I couldn't … I couldn't tell my own wife I was in love with her. The look on her face killed me but I'd rather be honest with her." There was an odd silence between us. I shifted my weight from side to side and crossed my arms. "She said that she wasn't going to harm you, but I still would feel more comfortable if you moved or if I lived with you. I just want to ensure that my son … and you are safe." The look in Edward's eyes had shifted as he moved closer to me again. I was already leaning against the counter there was nowhere for me to really go. I took a sip of my coffee and tried to ignore his proximity. He took my cup away from me and sat it down on the counter. I went to move and he held me in place.

"Leah, we need to talk." I groaned, this would've been a great time for Holden to need me, but he was out getting to know his grandparents. He left his poor mother alone and defenseless.

"A-about what?" I was shaken and I was really, really … Edward was toying with me and I needed a clear mind.

"I'm sorry about your pending divorce Edward, but let make one thing clear. We weren't lovers we had on lapse of judgment that resulted in a beautiful child. We don't have feelings for one another. If we live together it would only be for the safety of our child. Got it?" Edward smirked at me and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"That's fine, I have my answer regardless. You're right Leah we do need to protect our child and that's what I'll be there for. My family should be back soon if you wanted some time to get yourself together now would be that time." Edward informed me as he walked into the living room area. I walked past him as he grabbed a book off the coffee table and proceed to read it. I couldn't help but wonder what his thoughts were about me and about us.

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Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the short chapter! I will be back next weekend.


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